When my oldest child was just a toddler I was contacted by our church nursery to inform me that my child had bitten another child. That’s right, my perfect little angel who was my pride and joy had sunk her sharp teeth into the forehead of another child and the imprint of teeth marks were left to prove it! The reason I remember that day is not because of how strange of a bite mark she left (how exactly did she do that anyway!?) but because it was the first time I remember feeling shame as a parent. That shame led to the next ugly thing. I over reacted. I tried to correct her behavior and react not based on what was best for her but what was best for me in order to save myself any future embarrassment. My kids are older now but that temptation to lead my home that way is still the same. Maybe you can relate. 

Sometimes when we show a lack of patience, endurance, or even care in our homes we need to step back and acknowledge we are showing symptoms that we ourselves need to make some adjustments because we are struggling. It is kind of like when that flight attendant instructs you to place the oxygen mask on yourself before giving it to your child. Why? Because sometimes you must get the help you need before you can be at a place where you can help and serve others. 

Many parents feel overwhelmed and it begins to show in how they interact with their spouse and children. If this is you, know that you are not alone. Many parents feel this way and may feel like giving up. Here are some words of encouragement to help you when those moments hit home. Here are four ways you can remember to be REAL as a parent.

#1 Rest in God’s Grace – So often we live like our goal is to be the perfect parent and raise perfect children when we know this is simply not possible. Find rest in God’s grace and be willing to show yourself the same grace you want to exhibit in the lives of others in your family.

#2 Embrace Your Identity in Christ – Before wrestling with your identity as a parent, you must know your place as God’s child by embracing your identity in Christ. Fill your mind with Scripture to remind yourself of this and you will be far less likely to act in a way to only look good for others. 

#3 Acknowledge Your Need – When you wear so many hats to meet the needs of your family, you can often ignore your own needs. Admit your needs and find ways that fit your personality (books, messages, friendships, etc.) to fill your tank rather than going at it alone.

#4 Lead by Example – Doing these first three things will allow you to not be a perfect parent but the real parent God made you to be. Focus your heart on what matters and be willing to apologize when needed. Not only will you breathe easier as a parent, but you will set the example for your teenager so that they know where to find their own strength and identity. 

Remember, the Lord entrusted you with your family. Your children do not need a perfect parent as much as they need a real one.  He is faithful to meet you where you are and strengthen you each day.